I woke up Friday morning and almost immediately had tears running down my cheeks. I feel like we are speeding forward towards the inevitable. I have spent enough time with my daughter to know what that suspicious spot indicates. I have spent enough time educating myself to know the basics of what we will find out from the MRI. And no matter how hard I fight it each day passes and draws us closer to the day where things will be known.
I'm certain all of you have heard that knowledge is power. I have felt this way since finding out about NF. The doctor may not have noticed the spot on Abigail until it got larger or caused more issues. If I hadn't read about NF I would not have known what it was either, and we wouldn't be able to (hopefully) get things started early.
However I have longed for the bliss of ignorance. I would like to not feel that spot every day as I put lotion on Abigail's back. I would like to think that the world is full of happy, wonderful, innocent things for my little girl; that I can protect her from the bad for a little while longer.
But in reality I have no control over anything. So instead I sat on the kitchen floor and wept last night. Jason sat next to me and hugged me. What are you supposed to do with the pain? It's heavier than lead in my soul. Sometimes I feel as if it will suffocate me. Nobody prepared me for how much this would hurt.
But it's just like God to bring beauty from ashes. What feels hard and sorrowful often has light shone on it through wonderful people. I have tried to write a few different times about the people who have touched me during the preparation for our fundraiser Friday. Words truly limit the wonder and beauty of God's people. However I want to try anyway.
First of all a guy who goes to our church, who in essence, doesn't really know us, has helped us with a web page. He gave up his time to help, and for that I am grateful. Another friend whom we knew from college also chatted with me over a few nights to try to help us with it. So to you Seth and Bob, thank you.
Next, the businesses who have given have truly been surprising to me. Not because they gave, but because of what they gave. I had been asking for something small (like five dollar gift certificates) and got nothing worth less than $20. So to Scotty's Brew house, Player's Club golf course, Ink Solutions, Cooper Tires, and Artist Within, thank you.
The next man I will mention I can not thank by name. He has asked to remain anonymous. However one of the businesses locally read the article about Abigail. The woman had a friend who had NF, and her husband is an artist. We ended up meeting her husband on an art walk. He was just this amazing, kind, and humble man. Him and his wife helped start the Indiana chapter of what is now The Children's Tumor Foundation, and were instrumental in getting an NF clinic at Riley. So those things alone have blessed Jason and I, as well as Abigail. However he also is doing something more that is the part that is anonymous. He loved on our daughter when we met him; went on about how beautiful she is. So for that, wonderful new friend, thank you.
The next family was the one we got to spend a few hours with this evening. We had this awesome couple that we used to be in small group with. They own a peach farm, and he does pottery; beautiful pottery. I had contacted him to see if he would donate a door prize. I expected only a mug or two to raffle off. I got exceedingly more. Not only did he give to large vases, worth enough to meet our fundraiser goal we have left, we got to spend time with him and his lovely wife. Two hours out in the country watching him throw pottery, listening to conversation about pottery, peaches, his Airstream (so cool) and lots of other fun things. On the drive home we talked about how refreshing the time was.
So another new friend who's blog is here does photography. She is donating a beautiful photo of her and her daughter's tiny infant hands, from the days at the beginning of life, where they didn't know if their little Lia would make it. So for your generosity to our family, and new found friendship, bonding over the joys and pains of raising our special girlies, thank you Rhys (and Dave and Zaya, and Lia).
And lastly, to those of you who have already donated monetarily, some whom I don't know, some I do. To all of you, your generosity has helped me see the beauty of the design of community. God did not intend for us to walk through life alone. If it were just Jason, Abigail, and me, I would quickly lose all hope. However God has surrounded us with people who are amazing and remind me that I am not walking alone. Although there is still a large amount of sorrow and uncertainty; the love from you all is truly overwhelming. Thank you.
The greatest of these is love,