Sunday, February 28, 2010

Just pictures

Abigail rocking her baby.

Abigail smiling for the camera in her cute glasses.

Abigail and Papa building a snowman.

Abigail in some "baby legs" that I made.

Abigail's girly side is coming she is carrying a purse.

Abigail "escaped" after bath and was giggling naked running through the house.

Abigail spent 30 minutes in a diaper painting one night. It was bath worthy, but fun!

Abigail both says and signs cheese when we take her picture.

Abigail's Papa has some pretty big shoes to fill...which she likes to try!

We are wondering if this is indicative of a future career?

I thought I would do an entry with some pictures of out beautiful little girl! Enjoy! Hope you all have a wonderful first week of March.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Here it is...

I've been waiting to post so I could add a picture at least. Last Wednesday we went to the ophthalmologist. It was one of the best doctor appointments we have had in quite some time. It went quickly, but we were not rushed. The doctor was friendly. The med student who kept calling Abigail "Abby" last time, and getting frustrated that she wouldn't respond, wasn't there. They found nothing on her optic nerves! So nothing new with the NF at this point. Great news. No puking in the car (thank you so much benadryl). We were home in time for Abigail to take a normal afternoon nap! Truly as for as appointments go the day could not have gone better.
I've been waiting though so you could all see this picture.

That's right. Our already incredibly cute little girl now added glasses to her look making her even cuter. :) I may be slightly biased. However she does look really sweet in these. She seems to like them (although it's still day one). I wondered how much it would change things for her since she has always had bad eye sight. So after she had them on for a few minutes she look down at the floor and started backing up and getting nervous. Apparently she has never seen the floor correctly and it was making her feel scared. It took her a while to get her to walk on it again. However she was giggling while she looked out the window. It makes me wonder how many things she couldn't really see before. I remember getting glasses and how surprised I was that things were not supposed to be big blurry blobs.

So other than the glasses we are doing pretty well here. Abigail is fighting of bronchitis with another antibiotic and oral steroid. But it is the season of illness, and it's coming close the the end. Hopefully I will be able to get some more pictures of her in her glasses up soon. She is still in her pajamas in that picture because we had to do a couple breathing treatments throughout the night so mama and Abigail are extra tired today.

Enjoying our little bug,

Monday, February 15, 2010

A sweet little ballerina

Our girly little ballerina.

The past few weeks have been blissfully normal; teetering on the edge of boring. Oh how much we long for boring. Abigail had another cold and ended up on an oral steroid because it kicked her asthma up so much. Even that wasn't enough to make me feel overwhelmed. We took it in stride and moved forward laughing, loving, and playing together. Not a whole lot could mess these last few weeks up. Our little girl is getting much bigger...almost 18 months. She is talking SO much, and making us laugh even more. She has a personality as big as her heart. She is so impressive with her knowledge. She loves letters (I know, crazy huh) and so I've been telling her what they are and the sounds they make. She knows A and B. She walks around going "buh, buh, B." I love watching her learn new things We've also been going to story time regularly and joined a play group. Aside from not wanting to share her food she has done pretty well with the other kids. Then on Sunday I was holding a sweet little boy and Abigail wanted to give him a hug. She gently patted him on the back and rubbed his arms. She was so kind and gentle. It made my heart dance to see her being kind. She loves to hug and kiss mama and papa, but doesn't usually bring it out for others.

Abigail hugging her friend Jamin.

She also has a new favorite game. She ask papa to "sit" (she really wants him to lay down) on the floor. After he does she starts giggling and looks at me and says help please. We then proceed to spend the next ten minutes tickling, tackling, and giggling. It's wonderful...especially since this is the only time Jason doesn't fight back when I tickle him :). There are about a million stories about Abigail that I could tell. We both just love her and think she is such a joy. However we also have really needed some mama and papa time. We are surrounded by offers to babysit, but since Abigail was sick so much over the last six months haven't been able to take advantage of it. But oh did we have a great time Saturday. We went to Indy with Christmas money, and gift cards in hand. Just Jason and I. We shopped, ate, laughed, and came home feeling so refreshed. It was also wonderful knowing the whole time that Abigail was with her grandma and grandpa in Muncie, and they were loving her. We came back to stories of her being silly, dancing, and how much fun they had. It is truly a blessing to know that these two people aren't babysitting, they are just spending time with a little girl they love. Also since Sunday was Valentine's day we got Abigail the little tutu she is wearing in the picture. I am not girly by any means, but Abigail seems to be leaning that way so we decided to indulge it a little. She spent quite some time after I put it on her twirling in circles like a beautiful ballerina. It was well worth it, and she looked so stinking cute! So truly the last weeks have been wonderful beyond words. I am learning to worry less, and take things as they come (or trying to at least). I am really appreciating that I have today with Abigail, and I will make the most of that. We even have an upcoming appointment (ophthalmologist Wednesday) that has not taken over my thoughts. I have committed to not worrying about it. It will bring what it brings, and we will go from there. So you can be praying for us Wednesday as we venture to Indy. And you can be praising God with us that sometimes my joy comes from choosing it instead of trying to "feel" it.

Choosing to be joyful in all things,

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Abigail saying cheese (and signing it)!

The teaching on Sunday morning was about worrying. And how we aren't supposed to. It's sin, and means that you aren't trusting God. Typing that actually caused physical discomfort for me. You see I am an amazing worrier. I worry about something happening to my husband. I worry about our car breaking down. I worry about Abigail...a lot. And when I heard the sermon I could put all of the worry in the category of sin...aside from Abigail.
I have wrestled all week with this thought. Well yes worrying that Jason will die in a car accident or be shot during a bank robbery is silly. But worrying that my child who's body is programmed to grow tumors along with a large array of other things, will have something horrible happen, or possibly die. That can't possibly be sin. It's just natural. It is completely valid for me to worry.
But then did God worry about Jesus? He knew from the beginning of time that He would be coming to Earth to die, but I can't find the spot where He was fretting and fussing over how unfair it seemed, or how hard it is, or how horrible it might be. Crap. I probably don't have valid reason to worry.

So in this wrestling match a small something has been in the back of my brain. Last night while I was asleep it crept forward. I dreamt of our upcoming appointment. The dream wasn't bad, or scary. It just reminded me next that next week we go to the ophthalmologist. It is really because we are pretty sure that Abigail needs glasses. However since she has NF they will look for lish nodules and optic gliomas (tumors).
So this morning I woke up worrying. What if they find something this time. What if her vision issues are from an optic glioma. Will they have to do chemo or surgery? What lies ahead for my baby. I sat down on the couch and turned on some music and prayed. I asked God to take my worry and fears. I confessed for the millionth time that Abigail is not mine like I think she is. She belongs to Him, and He has ordained her days. So here I sit feeling peaceful at the moment, but as always struggling back and forth with worry and fear. I wonder if I will ever learn to trust God like He deserves to be trusted?

Hoping to have things together soon...but guessing it will be lifelong.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


What does it mean to hope? The dictionary defines it three ways: 1. to cherish a desire with anticipation desire with expectation of obtainment expect with confidence. We use the word pretty loosely though. I hope you feel better soon. Sure when I tell someone I do want them to feel better soon, but lets say they have a cold; is it really hoping when I know with an almost certainty that they will recover and feel better? Is that really hoping, or is it just, I want you to feel better soon; or it stinks that you don't feel good, I want there to be something I can do to make you feel better?
I have truly felt God telling me over and over for close to five years now to allow myself to hope. So I hoped for a baby. I hoped and hoped and hoped. I knew that my God could bring me a one. He did too. A wonderful little baby that is now a toddler. We gave her the middle name Tohelet; a Hebrew word that means hope. It is from the verse "Hope deferred makes the heartsick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12. I remember the heartsick feeling of hoping and having it not happen.
So after she was born I felt like I had really learned to walk in hope. I had trusted the Lord and the desire of my heart was now in my arms. And now here I stand. I am not doing a good job at hoping. I am great at worrying, fearing, and jumping to the worst possible conclusion. But hoping? I threw that out the window some time ago. I have lost hope.
It's a little odd to me that I have so much trouble with it. The word is literally tattooed on my foot to remind me to walk in hope. None the less I have forgotten how to hope. I have forgotten that God tells me to hope in Him and He will renew me. I need renewed. I have forgotten that the last time I hoped so much I felt heartsick, that my longing was fulfilled.
Remind me please. Tell me over and over to put my hope in the Lord. To hope for Abigail's healing, that she won't have all of the horrible possibilities, that I can hope for her to grow up and feel like a wonderful self-confident young woman.
So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to hope that Abigail is completely healed. I am going to hope that all of the doctor appointments for neurofibromatosis are a technicality that never produce anything. I am going to hope that my God who is mighty to save will have mercy on my little bug.

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe."
Ephesians 1:18-19a

I am going to do my best to know the hope to which I have been called.