Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Other days I look over and see a two year old and worry about all that surgery could change for her. The fact that the tumors grow on nerves means that having it removed could cause her irreparable nerve damage in her leg. She is in love with ballet. I don't want to take that away from her. I also worry that surgery could cause her to fear doctors and associate them with pain. And then we have a day where she wakes up in pain or really itchy and I switch back to not wanting her to have to deal with this.
I may never know what the best option is. I want an answer to drop from heaven. But instead, when I pray I don't really feel strongly one way or another. As a result I have pushed off sending her scans and pictures of her leg to the surgeon in Chicago. No decision has to be made if I don't do anything. But Sunday after nap Abigail was in pain. It gave us the boost we needed to move forward.
So Sunday we buckled down and burned things onto disc to get ready for the mail. Of course my subconscious was filled with thoughts of tumors during sleep. I dreamt that Abigail's tumor turned malignant. I don't remember anything else from the dream besides that. Monday I woke up, and things got mailed; even if I felt less than confident about my choice.
Today though, things struck me differently. I realized that I have almost become numb to bad things happening to kiddos around me. I read other people's post on the forum I'm on, and don't even flinch reading about all of the tumors, pain, and deformities they are experiencing. It is not because I don't care. It is only because it is so in my face everyday that all I can do is glaze over it when I read, to prevent myself from falling apart. I somehow find myself emerged in a world of words that I never thought would be associated with my child, and unsure how exactly I am supposed to react to it all.
For now we will simply wait to hear what a doctor thinks. I wonder, as he looks through pictures, if he will see a tumor or a little girl. I fear that he will say surgery only because there are dollar signs attached. But mostly I pray that God will speak clearly to him what is best for our sweet little bug. Because only the One who made her body knows what is actually best, and His answer is the only one I really want.
Praying for clarity,
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Enjoying her McDonald's for lunch.
Every hospital trip deserves a balloon and a Popsicle...
Papa is napping while Abigail snuggles and watches television.
Mama and Abigail coloring together.
The backpack she had to wear that contained the part that all the electrodes were plugged into. It also had the cord coming out of it that sent all the data to...
...this computer. The camera on top was recording her and was the reason she could only stay in a small part of her room.
The amount of cord she had to move around with.
Monday, January 10, 2011
This is Abigail opening her Christmas presents. Notice that she points to a box and says, "atar." That is the box that contains her guitar we bought her. Purely coincidence? Ridiculous ability to guess presents? Whichever I was quite surprised. :)
A little unrelated update. Tomorrow Mama, Papa, and Abigail will be going to Riley for an EEG. We will have to be there by 9 in the morning (hopefully the snow isn't in full force yet) and will stay until Wednesday morning. We are hopeful that this will answer some issues that she has with sleep that are very hit or miss. I'll let you know what we find out. In the meantime we would love if you would pray that things would come to light, and whatever is going on would happen during the testing.
That's all for tonight,
Saturday, January 8, 2011
"A clue a clue." Our first clue was the color brown.
It's right there on the wall! Our third clue. It's a bunny. Now it's time for our....
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
This is how we keep Abigail still while we are at home. Just kidding. Don't go call anyone to report us. Abigail had gotten sick in her car seat and when I put it back together after washing it she played in it the rest of the night.
Ready for her big ballet performance. That was her prop that she was supposed to shake. We were pretty impressed that she got about 3/4 of her dance in.
Abigail helping us decorate the tree.
Laying under it to look up at the lights. When I put the skirt around it she told Papa that I had put a blanket on the tree and it was going nigh nigh.
My attempt to get a picture of her in front of the tree. She has started running towards me to see the picture before I get it taken these days. Also I hope you are noticing how she has dress up clothes on in lots of these pictures. She LOVES wearing a "ballaween kirt" during every waking moment.
Abigail reading with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandpa looks silly because he is quacking in this picture.
Opening her stocking at Grandma's house.
Pretty excited about her new "Blue's Clue's" movie. She screamed, and jumped up and down when she opened it.
Abigail holding her new baby cousin Colton. She thought he was pretty great.
Her cousins brought their Wii so she was playing some sort or dancing game with them. Don't let the happiness fool you, there was an absolute collapse when I told her we were all done with the remote.
Mama loves the snow. Up to this point Abigail has not...she gets sad (and cries) because there is snow on her boots. But I convinced her to come out at Grandma and Grandpa's house where it's just a little warmer outside than here. I had a hard time getting her to come back in. We had LOTS of fun and I was a happy Mama to have a girly who finally loves the snow.
Abigail put on Mama's boots all by "iself."
We got rolls of paper and paint for Christmas so Mama rolled it, turned up the heat, and put Abigail in her undies and paint shirt. I then proceeded to allow Abigail to make a big mess.
I joke that she might have pica, but seriously, she eats a lot of things she shouldn't. And she apparently enjoys green paint.
Our messy hands, feet, face, legs, you get the point, right before I dropped her in a tub full of warm water.
So hopefully this load of pictures will make up for my lack of picture posting over the last few weeks. We had a great Christmas and boring New Year (just the way we like it). We will open presents as a family on Saturday (we try to do it around epiphany) and still have a Christmas with my family coming up. I'm pretty excited about Abigail's three gifts she will be getting from us, and will definitely have to post pictures or a video because I think she is going to be pretty excited.
Hope everyone else is staying healthy and enjoying day five of 2011.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,