parents are great at remembering special things in each of their children's lives. some are great, like the 'first' of everything. some are the hard moments of sickness and pain for your child. and some are just memories that we latch onto because we know our children won't stay little forever.
there is one time, for each of my daughters, that sticks in my head as the moment i thought we might lose them. abigail's was at birth when she coded. shilo's was a month ago. they are both moments, that if i spend much time dwelling on them, still cause me anxiety. but obviously both of my beautiful daughters are still here. i can still hug them, love on them, and enjoy them. i still get to make new (not so scary) memories with them, and watch them grow.
tonight, as i sat in my room (which is across from the nurses station) and watched the hussel and bussel of the room next door, my perspective of sitting in a little room for five weeks changed, and the sucky parts of it all sort of faded in the background.
the little boy in the room next door was transported from a different hospital. when he got there the charge nurse, the floater, his nurse, a resident, the attending physician, a social worker, and a chaplain were all in his room with his parents and two sibling. the doctor and social worker took the family in the 'quiet room' to talk to them. i knew. he wasn't going to make it. this family was preparing to tell their son goodbye. it's not a close call. it's not a scary moment when you think 'this might be it.'
so i prayed for them, and i thanked God for my two littles: for scary only being a moment instead of a lifetime.
from this perspective my past month doesn't look so bad.....