Sunday, July 7, 2013

it happened.

dear woman standing by the bouncy house at the park,
   i saw you watching me parent.  it's been hard lately.  the days are filled with never ending battles with a four year old.  i'm not sure that i'm parenting right, or well, but i'm giving it my all.  you saw a small glimpse tonight of my four year old, but it's not who she really is as a person.  let me tell you a little about her.
   my big, as i like to call her, is very intelligent.  i am amazed at how quickly she picks things up, and how much perseverance she has when she wants to learn something.  she aspires to be a doctor or nurse when she is older.  she has both the intelligence, and the compassion it takes to be a great one.
   big is fiercely protective of her little sister.  she loves to hold her, play ball with her, and just have dance parties in the room they share.  she dreams about taking ballet with her one day, and talks about how she will help her on the stage.  she also looks forward to the day her sister can join her in other activities that she is not yet able to do.
   my big has been through a lot in the last year and a half.  thankfully she is resilient.  and while i'll never allow this to be an excuse for poor behavior, she is still working through some fear and insecurities that came from her mama being gone so much.
   but here's the most important thing for you to know.  she's four.  and for that reason, she acts like a four year old.  people are not the thirty second windows you see them in.  and calling my daughter a nig.... because she was mad that she had to get out of the bouncy house said much less about her, or her actions, than it did about you.
   i knew there would be a first time for that word.  i'm thankful my big didn't hear it.  i heard it though.  and i cried.  i cried because i will have to teach my daughter that even though she is like most other children you meet, people will blame her actions on her skin color.  being black didn't make her misbehave.  being four did.
   i will forgive you at some point.  i'm angry right now, but i will move on.  you, however, need to get to know people who look different from you.  perhaps you will find that they aren't so different after all.

-the mother, of the child, you called that ugly word.



  1. Her words and actions are ugly. Oh how I pray that this was her 30 seconds of awfulness...however, when someone uses such a term, it does say much more about the condition of their heart. I'm sorry this was a reality today and I pray that our children transform the future's reality...that Big will have MANY more memories of inclusion and embrace than divisiveness and cruelty. Stay strong, mama. You are remarkable.

  2. Wish I would have been with you...would have had you and Big step aside while I taught her a thing or love of course....sad world we live in...and I am becoming more confrontational .... in love of course ....the older I get! Hugs my friend!!!!

  3. I really would be at a loss for how to confront in love at that moment. I've been pondering it off and on today and am still at a loss these moments later.