There is a thief that lurks near me. He is always right next to my ear. He likes to remind me of all of the bad things , all of the scary, and all of the sad. He likes to make me worry. I do my best to ignore, and tell him to be quiet, but he wants my joy. He likes to see me miserable.
So on Monday as I left our doctors office I felt overwhelmed. It wasn't fear so much as just the feeling of needing to let out a sigh from deep in my soul. I was struggling the whole way home not to cry, and not to let all of the "could be's" start taking over my thought process. As I was driving and wrestling through my thoughts I hear that still small voice ask me a question, "Are you going to let this steal your joy?"
I was a little taken back. The last few weeks for us have been full of rejoicing over great news from an MRI, watching a close friend choose to join a rehabilitation program for people struggling from addictions, and poor life choices, and then watching her give her life to Christ. The week following that we spent on the beach enjoying each other. It has just been some of the best few weeks we have had in a long time. So as I sat and pondered the question I made a decision. This will NOT steal my joy.
The decision isn't as easy as it sounds. I can't tell you the number of times during the last few days I have heard that question again and again. As my thoughts start to wonder, as Riley calls to remind me of the appointment, and as I look at my calender and realize Abigail has two other doctors appointments next week, I start to feel like I'm sinking. It's all too much. And then I hear it again, "Are you going to let this steal your joy?" I look down and there is a smiling toddler asking me to "dan dan" with her, read to her, and snuggle her. So I once again make the declaration, no matter what today looks like, no matter what the outcome of her MRI next week, I will not let anything steal my joy!