I have a lot on my mind. Things are sort of scattered so you will have to bear with me. First of all Abigail's x-rays came back normal. Which is great. I still don't know what it going on with her leg/hip region though and that is frustrating to me. However we will move forward and see what else the therapist suggest. We are getting ready to start some kinesio taping for her abdominal muscles. I am hoping it helps some.
Second I have been thinking a lot about Haiti. I also have been thinking about a certain public figure for Christianity who says stupid things on television about why bad things happen. He makes me so angry. I think he should be banned from speaking. Honestly at this point it doesn't matter "why" there was an earthquake. It matters only that there was one. There is massive devastation. Survivors need things like clean water, food, and shelter. We as Christians need to be stepping up and loving these people through prayers, donating resources, and going to Haiti. That's what the Bible calls us to do. Love people. It does not call us to stand in a better than you position and point fingers when bad things happen.
Third I am starting to get the "So are you ready for another?" question. Let me clarify. I don't want anyone to ask me this. No one. I hate that when we were dating everyone asked when we would get married. And once we were married we immediately started getting questions about babies. So now that we have one everyone is asking about two. Guess what. We don't always have to be focused on the future. We can enjoy living here with one for the time being. However I will share a little more of where this thought has taken me and why I probably feel so annoyed about it right now.
I am a middle child. I have an older sister and younger sister. My younger sister is 10-1/2 months younger than me. Soooooo.....if you aren't great at math...my mom got pregnant six weeks post my birth. I loved having a sibling that close to me. We were best of friends growing up. I wanted my children to be close in age. I have no control over that really. So when people ask me it just bums me out.
Another part of this train of thought is that I am starting to feel ready to do baby again. However I in no way feel like it is God's timing. So there is this sort of beginning of longing happening that I know needs to wait. And I remember vividly how much waiting for Abigail hurt. So I'm not looking forward to that.
And even more with this train of thought has been how frustrated I am at things people say about pregnancy. Like using the word "surprise" to describe being pregnant. Unexpected maybe. Surprise...well aside from Mary (Jesus' mother) I can think of nobody who can be 100% surprised that they are pregnant. We all know that no birth control is guaranteed. Even people who have surgical procedures are not guaranteed no more pregnancies. So if you have a uterus and you are having sex, there is the possibility of pregnancy.
And then there are people around me who constantly complain about pregnancy. I have talked before about the fact that we have not been devastated about not having biological children. This does not mean that I don't still wonder what it's like to feel a life growing inside of you, or to wholly nourish your child for the first few months of life. There are part of pregnancy that I am sad I don't get to experience. So when I hear people talk about how horrible it is I want to ask them to kindly find someone who has also experienced pregnancy to talk to because the only words I have for them are just be thankful that you get to experience this miracle. Oh and definitely, definitely do not complain about giving up drinking alcohol for nine months. Seriously I can't remotely understand how this is a "hard" thing when it comes to the well being of the miracle growing inside of you.
That was it. My meandering thoughts for the night. Peace.
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i will say that we were honestly surprised when we got pregnant with Cole. Just because i do have a uterus-- it sure decided not work for a few years. So, if I ever do get pregnant again you can guarantee I will definitely be surprised. It will not be unexpected at all becaue I expect it to happen every month and it doesn't so I will be surprised if God allows it to happen again. thought i would give you my thoughts on it considering we are a couple with not the highest success rate in the pregnancy department. Although, I will take our beautiful success and thank God daily for our little man and pray for more children regardless of how they end up as mine.
ReplyDeleteYup. Eden = SURPRISE! Really. What in the world. Great surprise. I was surprised. So was Pat. Maybe I could more accurately say she was a bewilderment, but that just sounds a little snobby, so surprise it is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think everyone's allowed to complain a bit or find parts of their life hard. Like, sometimes pregnancy is hard. For instance, getting large is hard for lots of women, psychologically if nothing else. I think all ways of expecting a child bring with them certain challenges and hardship and I know you do, too. Heck, you'd bring me a root beer if I were feeling particularly grumpy about it. (Thanks, by the way!)
So there's my Friday night rambling response. Your post got me excited about sometime getting to walk with you toward God's promise about your next child. I'm glad we're friends. (I hope we still are!)
Ashley and Lezlie,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to respond with a few things. When I wrote this I kept thinking about "qualifying" statements but decided that I wouldn't. So as far as the surprise element goes...I did not mean to say there is no surprise in it. I said you can't be 100% surprised. However I was thinking more of people who act like they have no idea how they ended up pregnant. If Jason and I got pregnant there would be an initial feeling of surprise, but somewhere in me I know that it is still a very tiny possibility. That was why I said Mary was the only one who could be 100% surprised.
And the not complaining thing was geared at complaining. There is a difference between struggling with something (my body is getting bigger and I feel self conscious) and daily talking about how horrible it is to be pregnant. I also felt like in this statement my friends know me well enough to know that I am fine with hearing about how hard their pregnancies are. I was not meaning I never want to hear anything about being pregnant. I was meaning complaining in the true sense of constantly negatively talking about being pregnant.
Hopefully that helps clarify my thoughts. I was not intending to start a debate. I was having a hard night and sharing it.
I like that you are honest (even with yourself) about what you are thinking and feeling. It is hard to be sensitive when you haven't been in the other place, but you help bring new awareness.
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