The other day I heard Abigail coming down the steps. The next thing I knew it was quiet. I peaked around the corner and she was sitting on the step rocking her baby and patting her back.
I have an incredibly compassionate daughter. I am often blown away at how sweet she is with her baby dolls and stuffed animals. She sometimes even hugs and kisses inanimate objects (like our blue car). She is a little girl with a very big heart.
She also has begun to pretend all the time. She cooks when we cook. She likes to dress up, wear a purse, go shopping, drive her car, and about a million other things. It's fun to get to see your kids act things out. It gives you a small glimpse of how they view life. Sometimes I see things that make me realize I might be doing okay as a mama. Sometimes I get a reality check and realize I have some things I need to do differently.
In general Abigail is just becoming more aware of things. She is interacting more, and remembering (and retelling) more. This past week she was sitting on the potty and looked down and saw a few of her cafe au lait spots. She asked, "that?" I told her it was called a cafe au lait spot, but we just call them her chocolate chips and pretended to eat one. She later showed her papa and told him it was her "chochit chip." There is both joy and sorrow in having her realize she has spots on her. She is not self-conscious yet, so it's nice to tell her about the spots before she is old enough to experience the teasing from them. It's sad to know it is something that she may not always be comfortable with. I hope and pray that we tell her how beautiful she is enough that these spots won't matter some day.
A few weeks ago we got a hand me down cozy coupe car from her cousins. She LOVES it. However when she got in it the first time and told me she was going to the doctor I felt a small sting of pain. She is really good at pretending with her doctor kit. She knows what everything in it is for. It's pretty cute most of the time (although if you are her patient it's a bit more like getting beat up). I just can't help but think at the same time that if it wasn't for the combination of asthma, NF, and the incredible amount of time she spent with "common illnesses" the first two years (it seems to have slowed down) she would not be as great at it. I mean really, what two year old knows what a blood pressure cuff is, and that it squeezes your arm. But she is pretending what she knows. Driving to the doctor, and getting checked out.
But probably the biggest blow has come this past week. As we continue to wait (impatiently) to find out more from the doctor about the tumor in her leg, she continues to have a little bit of pain and an inordinate amount of itching (very common with NF, and NF tumors). She has started telling me that her stuffed animals and baby dolls have boo-boos on their leg or that they itch. It is such a "normal" part of her life that it is acted out in her pretend play. There is nothing that tugs at a parents heart like seeing their child act out their medical issues.
Like I mentioned above though, there are moments in her pretending that I think we might be doing okay as parents. And even though their is sorrow in watching her pretend her monkey has a boo-boo on his leg, I can't help but overflow when I watch the scene unfold:
Abigail, "Muhnee boo-boo, leg. Swatch."
Mama, "Monkey has a boo-boo on his leg and it itches."
A, "Uh-huh. (Hugs monkey to her) Sowwee muhnee boo-boo. (Kisses him) Pway. Jeyuh, boo-boo, swatch, amen."
Sometimes she asks me to pray for her animal, but most of the time she does. And whenever she is in pain or extremely itchy she asks Jason or I to pray.
So even if I mess up lots as a parent (and I do), I am so glad that the thing she has picked up on is that we can always go to Jesus. He is the author and perfecter of my faith, and He is using a sweet two year old to grow it in ways I never would have imagined.
Thankful for the trials of life that draw me closer to Him,