As I was sitting at church on Sunday my mind drifted to Abigail, and where we are right now in life with her. It seems overwhelming at times, but I couldn't feel anything but hopeful. It's a season wrought with hope. And quickly I was reminded of where I was three years ago.
It was the worst Christmas I can remember. I was extremely depressed, and was begging God for a baby. I specifically asked God to bring me a Christmas miracle. When January rolled around and we hadn't gotten that phone call yet I sunk even lower. I was at the point where I was trying hard to let the desire to be a mama just die. But March came, and with the melting of the snow my heart seemed to soften a little too. And in April I sat praying one afternoon and heard God tell me to pray that our Abigail would come now. So I prayed, and called and asked others to do the same. The rest of the story is that in May we were chosen by Abigail's birth mom, and in September she was born.
However it wasn't lost on me that in December, when I was praying for my Christmas miracle, Abigail was being conceived. What I thought would be a miracle, and what it actually ended up being, were different, but beautiful none the less.
And so as I sit here during this season of advent, "expectation" I find myself unable to do anything but hope. I feel the hope that was born over 2000 years ago. I hope for the return of my Savior. And I hope for another miracle for my little girl.
The official update is that we went to the neurologist this morning and all signs point to a plexiform neurofibroma (although the doctor couldn't technically diagnose it because the MRI didn't make it clear). These specific type of tumors are much harder to deal with than regular neurofibromas. So for this reason we will be consulting with a surgeon to see if we can have it removed early. We also will have the added weight of having to cover whatever cost of this procedure and appointments ourselves. Our insurance will not pay for it because it is out of state and considered elective. However the doctor we are seeing is the best of the best and world renown for removing plexis. So we will figure out the finances for it.
Leaving you with the theme of the last six years of our lives, hope,