meaningless meaningless...

For those of you who don't know this is how the book of Ecclesiastes starts. It goes on to talk about how life is meaningless. It's a pretty depressing book written by king Solomon. I wouldn't recomend reading it if you are in a bad place for any sort of reason. He talks about all the of the things he has accumulated being nothing really. They don't matter. This is sort of how I feel right now. What's the point. We are all going to die anyway...it's all meaningless. I'm not depressed, just feeling ecclesiastical.

It's interesting because usually out of Jason and I, I am the one who can bring in hope. I can see the good in things while Jason tends to be a pessimist (realist in his words). I am still clear headed enough to realize this is just part of the proccess of dealing with life right now, and is an acceptable way to feel. I don't need people to write me with the lines about "let go and let God" or any of the other things that are said to people during hard times. Although these are supposed to be helpful they generally make me feel like vomiting, or punching someone. I know what the Bible says, and who God is has not changed.

Our pastor talked about Hebrews 12 on Sunday, and how as Christians we are promised hardships. It's not something included in the lines that people give when trying to lead others to Christ. Hey Jesus died for you and if you accept Him and live for Him things won't be easy. If someone had said this to me I doubt I would have asked where to sign up. I would have said no thanks life is hard enough without that gaurantee of struggles.

Here I am though. As a result of living my life for Christ my relationship with my family has changed. I have lost friends. I live in an area that some people avoid driving through. My husband works for a company that is about people's lives instead of just being a job therefore he doesn't make as much money as he "could."

However, as a result of accepting Christ I feel a peace that I didn't know before. I have some amazing friends whom we share life with that are there for us in everything! Although we may not have a lot of "stuff" we are taken care of always with enough to eat, being able to pay our bills, and saving for the just incase moments. We have an awesome marriage. We are attempting to be great parents (and doing okay I think). So while I am here on earth for a small amount of time, even if it is all meaningless, there are lots of things I can enjoy. Just look at the pictures of this beautiful little girl. How could I not enjoy it.

Hoping to find enjoyment in this meaningless life,