Changes....

I can't help but continue to think this one thought over and over. As we get closer to Abigail's "big appointment" in November my thoughts often meander towards God. Jason and I are Christ followers. We attempt to live what we believe.

The day we were sitting in the room and heard all of the talk about nf will NEVER leave me. Walking to the car, the ride home, the conversations with family. Those things will remain in my head forever. I know where we were for each thing. I remember the order we told people in. I remember Jason and I's exact responses.

That day and the days that have followed have changed my life forever. I will never be the same. Every time I hear someone say horrible things to or about their child I have to refrain from saying something to them. Do they not know what a blessing they are beholding. I knew before the diagnoses, and now I want to cherish every moment even more.

I have been on forums where people talk about genetic engineering and how you can have an embryo tested before hand so you don't end up with a child with nf. I become physically ill at the thought. Really? My baby wouldn't be here then. Abigail is not defined by nf. However if someone had decided to test when she was an "embryo" that may have been the definition that had ended her life.

I have lots of other thoughts swirling around in my head. Jason and I have been talking about the appointment in the future, and decisions we have to make regarding her care. It's really hard to try to decide what's best based on our opinions and a doctors knowledge.

So back to that one thought that I keep arriving at. God has not changed. This is something that is very comforting to me. Every time I learn something new about nf, am faced with another medical decision, or hear someone else's story my perceptions change. However God is the same as He was before she was diagnosed, while we were sitting in that room, and will be the same tomorrow. And for that reason I will continue to go to Him when making decisions, having a hard day, or rejoicing at the sight of an amazing blessing sitting in my living room throwing a fit. :)

Taking comfort in the Alpha and Omega,