Abigail sliding all by herself. That precious girl that takes up my time and energy (I'm not complaining).
I'm longing for that connection. The feeling of knowing God is right there; the very breath I'm breathing. I don't feel distant. I just feel like a busy mama. I know the Lord is gracious to mother's of small children. (Isaiah 40:11). It's this beautiful image of God sustaining me. And He knows that there are SO many days (especially right now) where I need Him to sustain me. I just feel tired, overwhelmed and anxious. We have so much going on, and we are heading into a season full of trips to celebrate with family.
Since Abigail is still sick I went to church by myself yesterday while Papa and Abigail stayed home. It was so weird to not be watching my daughter, and holding her, and trying to keep her from disrupting. It's been over a year now since I have been able to focus my full attention on what our pastor was talking about. He was teaching on James 2. It talks about not showing favor because people have more money, have it together etc. He talked about how church should be a hospital for the sick; not a place of condemnation, hatred, segregation, showing off riches, or attempting to obtain more wealth. I know all of this, and this is the reason I go to a church that lives among the people we are reaching out to. Our church is full of black, white, poor, wealthy, educated, uneducated, homeowners, and homeless. I know this sounds unbelievable, but come see for yourself. The most beautiful thing though was how he described reaching out to people. That instead of looking down on others we need to realize that we are as big of sinners as the people we are reaching out to. We need to show them mercy. He said "mercy is like one beggar telling another where they can get food."
I am a beggar. I know Jesus so I know where my "food" comes from. I know who sustains me in the chaos that ensues my life at the moment. I know where the peace that encompasses me through Abigail's illness comes from. I hope that through living my life I can show those around me where the food is.
Life is hard. Having Jesus does not take away the problems and pain. It just brings about peace and hope in situations that are full of turmoil and seem hopeless.
A wretched sinner saved by grace,