Monday, November 15, 2010


Imagine if you will what it would be like to be in an earthquake. The whole world moving, things falling and crumbling around you. There is fear, confusion, uncertainty. Even after the earthquake stops, you don't feel safe or secure. You know about the aftershocks. You know that earthquakes set off things like volcanoes and tsunamis. The whole world has just shifted, and all you can do is wait for what will come next. Now imagine if you will that you are the only person feeling this earthquake. Nobody else even knows it's happening. You try telling them, but they just don't seem to understand. A few people might be able to look and see that you are in one, but they still don't feel the effects like you do.
It sounds like some weird sci-fi movie. But it's reality for me, and a lot of other parents out there. It's what it felt like to hear a label for the first time. Those aftershocks are every little thing along the way after those words are first spoken; all of the "your child will probably never", and "will have trouble with..." Yes I feel like I live in a world of earthquakes. And like people who live near fault lines sometimes I find peace. Every now and then there is enough of a break between the quaking for me to think things are okay, but then my world gets rocked a little bit.
After a while you learn how to stand, walk, and even thrive while the ground is moving beneath you. You have days that you forget what life was like when things stood still. You aren't even certain how you would survive in that world anymore.
And there are days when you try to explain to everyone else that you are shaking because of world around you moving. But they just shake their heads and walk away. They can't see it moving, they don't want to see it moving. Because if your ground can shake, then that might mean there's could too. So instead they ignore you. They look away and pretend not to notice.
And then there are times when you look up and notice that other woman who also is shaking like you are. You see her immediately at a playground, doctors office, or grocery store. And from the depths of your spirit you cry out to her. You smile at each other and talk about this earthquake world. You walk away knowing that someone else out there understands you.
Some days you curse the quaking wishing it would have never come. You cry and you scream knowing that it won't change anything. And then you pick yourself up and move on. Because although there are lots of really horrible things about not being able to get great footing, there are also lots of really great things about how it has changed your perspective on life.

Hoping the aftershocks are small,


  1. You mentioned earthquakes and I couldn't get my mind off of about 2 years ago when there was an earthquake here about 3am. I was frightened. It was awful. (The epicenter was a hundred miles away or more and it was only a 4.something???) Nothing fell off the walls, nothing fell off shelves........The house was shaking and I am a big ole wuss. I grabbed the diaper bag and stuffed a few bottles of water in it along with a bunch of crackers and opened the kids bedroom doors and turned on the television and called my dad. I'm a big scardy cat.

    Your little girl. She'll be just fine. She has a great mommy!

  2. I really like that post, thanks.

  3. o gosh.i have been in an earthquake, and it was a small one. but yes, your whole world changes. i know what you mean, after a fashion, about diagnosises. we've had some quaking this past week. the dust is settling, though. it's good to have answers, even if i don't like them. it settles part of me.

    hugs for you. i've learned a lot just reading here. thank you