Friday, September 10, 2010


There have been a few times in my life I have had to stop and really let go of bitterness that was taking root. The first time it was pretty big stuff, and a freeing experience.
The second time around was when we were waiting on a baby. Sometimes I would become bitter that friends were having second children and we didn't even have one. One of the hardest things for me though was a girl who's parents live across the street, getting pregnant over and over and over again; and not seeming to like her children. I started asking God how that was fair or just. He never answered. But at some point I realized that fallen world=unfair. Things will be fair and just one day, but not until heaven and earth collide. And so I worked through once again letting go of the feeling that I "deserved" a child more than she did, and the bitterness that came with that.
However as a result of my sinful nature I sometimes have that fleeting moment where I can allow that thought to go through my head. And yesterday it happened; although very short lived.
I was playing outside with Abigail. There is a little neighbor girl who is two months younger than Abigail. Her parents were in high school when she was born, and aren't together anymore. She spends way more time with dad than mom. And when mom comes to drop her off or pick her up there is often yelling back and forth.
Abigail and I were playing hopscotch for the first time. She can't do it, but she gave it her all and I was feeling pretty proud of her. I looked over and watched the little girl across the way walking up and down steps freely with no hands, and could hear her talking to her mom in complete sentences. And it happened.
"Why is it that this little girl, who's parents don't really pay much attention to her, speaking more, and doing more physically than Abigail. We read, we do p.t. We REALLY work with her."
I let the thought go and continued to play. A few minutes later the little girl (who was mostly being ignored while her parents talked) walked into the street. She got in trouble, and then they handed her a bag of potato chips and told her to go play.
By that point Abigail and I had been tracing each other on the sidewalk, she had identified a lot of the chalk colors, the number 5 (I have no idea how or why she knows this), and were doing shapes. We had run through the grass doing cartwheels (mostly me, but she tries) and tackling each other. We had layed together giggling in the grass. I stood up and could see the little girl standing on the porch watching us.
And it hit me hard. Who cares if this little girl could "do more." Abigail and I were having lots of fun, laughing, playing, and just enjoying being outside together. Abigail won't remember that she couldn't do steps by herself at two. She will remember her mama and papa playing with her.

Mama and Abigail playing with her train on her birthday.

So here's to letting go of bitterness to enjoy the giggling toddler instead,

1 comment:

  1. I am glad that Abigail, with all her difficulties, has parents like you and Jason, who do everything in your power to help her succeed and still love her unconditionally in spite of hundreds of doctor's appointments. I'm glad that she ended up with you, instead of some parents who wouldn't give her as much love and attention and support as you do.

    I don't know if that helps at all, but I'm still glad.