tonights are my least favorite kind of nights. it's 'the night before.' packing. making list. being filled with dread. and more dread. tomorrow morning, we will arrive a the hospital around 8:15 a.m. we will check in and do a 48 hour e.e.g. with little. some part of me starts to panic a little. what if we are there longer? will she sleep? will i sleep? how much will i have to fight with doctors over stupid stuff? will they keep her medicine schedule right? will there be a mom across the hall who stops in every time she walks by to tell me this is their 18th e.e.g. and they brought their own mountain dew because the hospital doesn't have any? sometimes, the anxiety is overwhelming.
and the other part of me is really sad. big was ecstatic to go stay the night somewhere, and play there all day tomorrow. she will be so excited about the (healthier version of) hotdogs i bought for her and jason to have for dinner. she will love the daily notes i left for her. but i will miss her. and i will miss having my husband close by to tag out when i need a little break. to decompress with at the end of the night. to snuggle on the couch and laugh together.
it will be me. on my own. so pray for me. pray for shilo. and please pray that i don't have to fight over ridiculous things like giving my kid the name brand medicine because the generic doesn't work for her. (yes, that has really happened). every now and then, an 'easy' would be nice.
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As a fellow mom of a special needs kiddo, I have a piece of advice for you. Talk to your family dr about your situational anxiety (use that word so they don't think you always have anxiety)surrounding your SN child's appointments and procedures.
ReplyDeleteDescribe how you can't sleep the night before or in the hospital, your stomach in in knots, you get sweaty, etc... Ask for a PRN anxiety med such as xanex. I quarter a 0.5mg pill - so a very tiny tiny dose. I'm not sleepy or altered with this tiny of a dose. I can drive, be myself, and am witty as ever (probably more witty because I don't feel like I could puke) It just takes the edge off enough that I don't feel dread and like I could puke. My dr will usually write me a script for 15 pills. This is enough 60 doses of quarter of a pill. If we have to stay overnight I will take a half of a pill at night time to help me rest/nap but again I am not groggy or druggy, just relaxed. This was by far one the best things I have ever done for myself since becoming a SN mom.
My fear initially was that I wouldn't be as sharp or it would be suppress my ability to converse with the doctors, but actually it was just the opposite. It cleared all that little stressful and left my brain to focus on the big stuff.