yesterday and last night were stable. the drip of sedative seems to be working nicely to keep shilo comfortable. it's nice to not see her fighting the respirator, or having ten people rushing into your room all of a sudden. she is still extremely swollen and so they are working with changing the diuretics she is taking. overall though, we are just in the waiting mode for her to start getting better.
it's funny though, how living in a hospital quickly changes some perspectives. there's a baby somewhere else in the icu who is crying and crying. it makes me sad: not because the baby is crying, but because i want to hear my baby cry again. i want to be able to change her diaper, give her a bath, and kiss her until she starts wiggling her head around in annoyance. i want to see her sweet smile light up her whole face and tug on my heart strings. but more than anything, my arms just feel so empty. i want the weight of her resting on my chest as she breathes steadily with the occasional sleepy sigh. even though i am here with her, i miss her greatly. she isn't herself.
jason and abigail got to come up today because abigail had a pulmanologist appointment. we spent a few hours today and had a tearful goodbye as they headed for home, and i found my chair in the corner. abigail hugged me a hundred times and told me she wanted me to come home. she did really well with seeing shilo hooked to so many machines. we tried to explain it the best we could. and maybe some people would criticize us for bringing her here. the thing is though, that we are going to be here for a while, and she misses her sister. so we think the benefit of getting to see her far outweighs anything else.
i also, for the first night, will be heading down to sleep in the ronald mcdonald house to sleep tonight, leaving my little peanut all alone. i think i need the sleep, but still feel pretty guilty about it all. so i can validate one night of sleep, i think.
please just keep praying for shilo, for mama and papa, and for abigail. we can't wait to be together again, with a healthy little peanut.