Big Feelings.

I'll be honest, I'm mucking up this parenting thing quite a bit.  But, every now and then, I get an opportunity to step back in a moment and feel like I did a good job.  This is one of those moments, and I have permission to share it from my big.

Last night, during the chaos of bath, and bed, and Jason being at work, my big girl made a choice that had a consequence she was pretty bummed about.  And, as we are prone to do, instead of accepting the consequence and moving on, she got angry, and made things bigger and worse, resulting in another consequence.
After some time in her room, she brought me a note, "Mama, You make me feel like shit.  I know you don't like it, but you make me feel like ass and shit."  First of all, as soon as she went back in her room, I was laughing so hard I was crying.  Those are words she learned this past year, and while she knows the general meaning of them, she more so knows that they hold big emotions and get big responses.

After the other two littles were in bed, she came out to talk.  She had calmed down at this point, and was ready to hear what I had to say.  We talked about how she was feeling.  We talked about how God gave us emotions, and they are good.  She was surprised when I said that even anger and sorrow were emotions from God.  The conversation went further with the two things that are important to figure out about emotions.
First, and foremost, we are in charge of our own emotions.  Nobody makes us feel.  We might have a feeling in response to something someone says or does, but they didn't force that feeling upon us.  That's our response to what happens.  And, however we feel in response to things is okay.  Second, it's what we do with our emotions that matters.  If we are angry, and we paint a pictures, or write in our journal about it, that's fine.  If we're angry, and we punch someone, that's a problem.  We have to learn to own our emotions, and be in control enough that even when we have really big feelings, we can do something healthy and constructive with them.

At the end of the conversation, big got a little sheepish.  'Sorry I said those words.'  I had not, never once, even brought them up.  It would've been easy to focus on the letter of the law-'Those are adult words. You aren't an adult.' or I had the opportunity to look beyond the words, and try to see my girl's heart.  And, her heart was sad about the choices she made, and the consequences that resulted.  Once I focused on that, and helping her to feel the restoration of my love, nothing else mattered.  When kids have big feelings, it is our job to help them sort through them.