Friday, November 7, 2014

things that are and aren't appropriate.

yesterday, shilo and I got a rare time out of the house with just the two of us.  it was to get her g-tube changed so not a fun experience for her.  however, whenever it's just her and it, the staring numbers drop substantially.  apparently, not having two children, of two different races, makes me stand out less.
i'm a very obvious pregnant at this point (almost 30 weeks).  no more questionable bump.  all of my weight gain is in the front, and most in my belly (some is slightly north of it).  this helps set the stage for the question that I am still trying to 'shake off.'

we had been put in a room to wait, and a nurse comes in to do the once over on meds etc. for shilo.  she looks up at one point and says,
'oh, your family is expanding.'
'yes.  we have a little guy due at the end of January.'
'how exciting.'
she then looks at shilo, and back at me.
'so, is there anything wrong with this baby?'

1.  she is a nurse in a pediatric doctor's office that specializes in caring for children with special needs.  this alone means she should have had the sensitivity training to know it was not an appropriate question.

2.  she is a nurse, and therefore, I would think she would know that Down syndrome is extremely rarely inherited (there is a form of translocation Ds that is.  not important to understand, but you are welcome to research it more if you care).  (obviously shilo is adopted so this is a mute point, but she seemed unaware of that fact)

3.  IF by some chance there was something going on with this baby, perhaps I don't want to talk about it with a complete stranger.  or at all.

4.  it's really none of your business.  like, at all. 

I still have been unable to shake the question.  I have no idea what I even said in response because I was trying not to cry. 
if you see a pregnant mom, and she has a child with obvious special needs of some sort, you don't have the right to ask if this next baby has anything wrong.  even if you are super curious.  even if you work in the medical field.  it's just not your business. 
things you can say:
congratulations.  you look beautiful.  do you know what you are having?  have you picked out a name? when are you due?  is big sister excited?  
these are all things I don't mind answering.  at all.  (or being told). 

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