Wednesday, July 9, 2014

clearing a few things up.

as I suspected, I have already heard quite a few cringe worthy things about being pregnant, and how it relates to our two other girls being adopted.  i'm barely showing folks.  I can't help but fear for what lies ahead, and what my two amazing girls are going to hear.  so i'm going to start by clearing the air a little bit, here.

first, and foremost, the sentence:  if you had only waited.....
you may follow that sentiment with, I wouldn't have my two daughters.  no regrets.  nothing but thankfulness for the children we have.  and had we known we were going to get pregnant ten years later, we still would have adopted first.  there's not a whole lot I can think of that would be sadder than not having my two daughters.


second, I didn't get it easier the first two times.  yes, carrying a child is much different than adoption.  and my first trimester has been fairly miserable in all honesty.  but so was the three year wait for Abigail.  and so was being stuck in another state with my daughter waiting on the powers that be to send paperwork from point a to point b so I could cross state lines.  so yes, pregnancy is hard. and I know there are some harder things to come.  but, adoption has it's pains as well. 

and last, my pregnancy is NOT a reward.  it's not what I get for adopting 'those kids.'  the gift I got for adopting these two, is getting to be their mother, and them getting to be my daughters.  make no mistake that the child growing inside of me is NOT more of a blessing than the first two who listened to someone else's heart beat for the first nine months.  my love for this child is NOT  more than my two daughters. 

God has given me three babies.  three children.  three gifts.  none of them are a reward for what I have done, lest I would never have been a mother.  they are, all three, my children.  in the end, it turns out that the person who's uterus the child grew in has no affect for the love I feel for them.

1 comment:

  1. I surely hope you aren't getting such comments, but I suspect that's what caused you to write this post...and I'm sorry. We know it's just ignorance on the part of those who don't know the joys, blessings and hard work of adoption. Those are the people who never chose this road, for whatever their reasons. None better, none more sacrificial and none judged. Parenting any child is just plain a choice of love and sacrifice.

    We had three bio daughters (one miscarriage between 2 and 3) when our fourth daughter came to us through US newborn adoption. When someone in our small town saw us at the grocery store and realized the new baby was a girl, they said to me, "I thought you would have asked for a boy!" Now, I can see that point of view. We actually had to take some hours before accepting her referral (it was sudden and out of the blue after nearly a year of waiting), wanting to make certain it was a child my husband wanted...and not a son. He even went to talk to a friend for advice, before we called the agency back. (Found out later, we were the only ones who had ever done that with the agency.) He never felt he specifically wanted a son, but every told him he should want a he needed to make sure. Our wise friend asked hubby what we'd been praying for, to which hubby replied that we'd been praying for God to do what was best for our family and best for the child. Long story short, we of course accepted the referral of another daughter, who has added many new dimensions (as have all 8 of our kids) to our lives. She is a teacher, married, and has a heart for missions. But back to the grocery store...I told the curious woman that we had simply asked for a person. End of discussion.
    Since then, we've been asked numerous times why we chose to adopt four internationally...since there are kids in the US who need homes? And of course, this has always been asked by people who have not adopted themselves. Kind of like all those non believers who know how Christians are supposed to act. Hmmm. Why don't you try it for yourself?

    My prayer is that your life will be filled with people who know your wonderful daughters and are just thrilled that they will have another sibling to love and grow up with and you two, another matter how that child comes to your family.

    Nancy in the Midwest