on a Thursday morning, I stood next to her in the nicu, looking at her daughter. our daughter. I hugged her and thanked her. but there were no words adequate for what had just happened.
on a Tuesday night, I sat across the table from her, and answered question after question about us, and our family. I can still see the pain in her eyes as she tried to interview a family to raise her daughter.
birth mothers are often misunderstood. most of the adoption questions I get asked stem around them. how old they were. what sort of 'problems' they had. how much better off their child is with me. the comments go on and on.
it's easy to see these women, and villainize them. we want to be certain to distance ourselves from someone who could 'do something so awful' 'be so selfish' 'give up her kid.' we want to make certain that we find all their flaws that put them in a place where they were able to 'walk away from their kid.'
and, in all honesty, you are partly right. you could never do what they did. but, it's not because you are better than them. it's because they just made the most selfless choice any woman can ever make. it's the choice to place their child in another families arms, simply because they want what's best for him. this is not to say that placing a child is always what's best. but, for my two daughters, I have no doubt that their mothers love them, and were trying to give them the best that they could. it spurs me on, on days that parenting drags me down, and I want to give up.
the Saturday before mother's day is birth mother's day. I want to say happy birth mother's day to my children's first mommies, and to the women everywhere who loved their child enough to carry him for nine months, give him a kiss goodbye, and step back so that he can be with the family you chose.
your choice is the only reason that I get to celebrate on sunday morning. thank you.
from the bottom of my very thankful mama's heart, happy birth mother's day!