the big.

a lot of my post lately have been about shilo.  she's in a stage of life where things are happening quickly, she's changing, and meeting new milestones.  she's also has a lot more going on medically right now than abigail does.  so to balance it, this post is dedicated to my big, and all her fabulousness.


we'll start with a few of my favorite recent anecdotes from her:

abigail holding two pieces of spinach:
'hey spinach.
hey what?
you have dip on your head.'
(laughter)
(talking about the civil war-and the pictures of abraham lincoln at connor prarie).
'do you know what a slave is?'
'no.'
'a slave is a person that someone else tries to own. they make them do things, whether they want to or not. and if they don't do it, they are mean to them.'
'you mean like when you tell me what to do?'

'that morning laura woke up. it was hot outside. it was cold outside. laura went outside and it was warm.'
(abigail 'reading on the banks of plum creek to herself)
'chickens don't have wings.'
'they do.'
'no they don't. i saw it on the computer.'
'i'm getting some special drinks for my retreat on friday. i'm going to spend the night with some of my friends from church.'
'why you going on a retreat?'
'sometimes mama's need to take a break. it will help me be a better mama.'
'you already take a break. you stay home everyday.'

'mama can you do this for me?'
'do what?'
'will you do this?'
'i'm not sure what you are wanting me to do.'
'me neither. (skips away).'
at 10:30 i hear a loud bang from the girl's bedroom. i go up to check, thinking abigail had fallen out of bed. 
'abigail, why are you still awake? and what was the bang?'
'that was me climbing back in bed. i was looking out the window. i was trying to see the moon so i could know if it was big or little. it's going around the earth right now.'
stranger to shilo: 'hi (unintelligible baby talk).'
abigail: 'she can't hear you. she's deaf.'
'mama, could you move that knife off of the table, so i don't just climb right up, and play with it and cut my finger off?'
...or you could just choose not to touch it....
'pigs are made our of bacon.' 

and i'll share a few of our favorite captured moments of abigail's.

showing off some moves.

puddle jumping.

after an evening storm.

she brought me flowers.  the one by itself is my favorite.

trying rhubarb from our garden.

we went to conner prarie.  she is obsessed with her subonnet like ingalls girls wore.

a spoonful of chocolate.  a silly face.

we swapped vest...and made our sassy face.

have i ever mentioned how jealous i am of this hair?

that's life with our big.  she makes us laugh a lot.  she is full of energy and loves life.  

An answer to a frequently asked question(s).

Her hair.  Is it hard?  How long does it take?  What do you different?  Lots of people are curious.  And I very much understand the curiosity.  It seems like a secret club to lots of people.  It's really not though.  But, I thought I would give you a quick run through of what a typical hair week looks like for us, and some products we use.  Feel free to leave questions in the comments and I will do my best to answer.

Our hair week typically starts on Saturday.  At some point on Saturday, Abigail takes a bath, and we wash her hair.  This means we: wash her scalp really well with a moisturizing shampoo (herbal essence hello hydration is what we use).  Rinse completely.  I then put a deep conditioner in by sectioning off a small piece of hair, putting conditioner in  and combing that section with a wide tooth comb.  I do this until all of her hair has conditioner on it, and then usually add a little more conditioner by massaging it close the the scalp.  I put a shower cap on her head and leave it on for anywhere from 5-15 minutes (this depends on her tolerance level).  (I am in the process of switching deep conditioners so I don't have a recommendation for this yet.)  I then take the cap off and rinse all of the conditioner out.  Some people are done with their hair at this point.  However Abigail's hair type is a 4c-and is extremely dry.  So after I have rinsed the deep conditioner out I then take some regular daily conditioner (I use Bee Lovely's moisturizing daily conditioner) and section her hair once again.  I add a small amount to each section and comb it through and then braid the section after it's been combed through.  I do not rinse the conditioner out.  I know this probably sounds crazy to some of you.  As a white woman my hair would look a frightful mess if I didn't rinse my conditioner out.  But Abigail's hair NEEDS this for me to be able to comb it out, and so that it stays well moisturized.
After bath we hang out on the couch surrounded in product, brushes, and with something kiddy for Abigail to watch.  I, one section at a time, unbraid her hair and brush through it.  I use a tangle teezer and starting at the ends brush lightly to make certain their are no tangles or snags.  I slowly move up her hair (still brushing from top to bottom) until it's all untangled.  I then add a generous amount of moisturizer to the ends of her hair (I use Deja's Hair Milk-also Bee Mine brand).  I use another moisturizer (luscious balanced cream moisturizer-Bee Mine) by putting some in my hands, rubbing them together and rubbing it on the section of hair from top to bottom.  After it's all been applied, I do another quick brush through to make sure all of her hair got product on it.  IF I am going to do a style I leave the section down.  If she's going to bed right away I just rebraid each section (I try not to let her sleep on her hair when it's down, and she always wears a silk cap over her hair at bedtime).
So, after all sections are combed and moisturized, there are two things that can happen.  If I send her to bed with the braids, I can style it the next day or let her wear it free (in an Afro).  Either way, I will have to rebrush and remoisturize her hair starting at the taking each section out and brushing it. If she wears it in an Afro I usually add some Bee Mine curly butter, after the original mouisturizer, because hair left down dries out more (and is more prone to damage).
If I am styling it (whether it be the same night or the next morning) the products depend on the style.  If I am doing a style I'm planning on leaving in for the whole week (or more) I just use the same protocol as above, do parts with the end of a rat tail comb, and get to work braiding twisting and so on.  If I put rubber bands in her hair (which I rarely do anymore) I always put them in olive oil first to keep them from breaking her hair.  If I am doing a style that will become another style-mainly twist that I will take out and let her wear as a twist out-I use either the Bee Mine curly butter before twisting or Queen Helene's Royal Curl.
So once the styling is done the daily upkeep is adding the Hair milk to her ends every day, and spritzing it with a moisturizer (I use Bee Mine Juicy Moisturizing daily spritz).  If I am doing a twist out, when I take the twist down, I still just spray it daily with the spray.  If I take a whole style down and redo it mid-week, I generally spray it with my own spray mixture I make containing aloe vera, glycerin, extra virgin olive oil, conditioner (the Bee Mine daily one I use) and water.  I then do the same moisture routine as above and style.
My daughter does bathe more than once a week.  And because she is three, and she gets dirty, I do generally have to wash mid-week.  If I do though, I will often wash with the style still in, and I do what's called a co-wash.  This just means I wash her hair with conditioner.  (I just use the Bee Mine daily one for this as well.)  If her hair is down we wash with the conditioner, rinse, and then do the leave in again.  If it's styled we wash with the conditioner and do a gentle rinse so some of the conditioner is left behind.
 The other hair related things we try to do are keep a silk scarf over the back of her car seat. The constant friction on her hair dries it out and causes it to break. We also try to put one over the stroller if she is in it for very long. However, she still rolls on the couch, floor, grass, and all sorts of other stuff and there's nothing I can do about it (unless I made her live in a silk cap or we covered everything we owned in silk).

This is it for styling. So to answer the bigger questions, is it hard? -I don't think so. It is way more work than my 'wash with generic products and go' style, but it's not hard by any means. How long does it take. There's not straight answer to this. Washing on weekends, around forty five minutes probably. Brushing it out and moisturizing it, around forty five minutes. Styling it (this definitely depends on the style) can be fifteen minutes to my longest one ever being five hours (broken up over a couple of days).
Abigail very much loves having her hair done. She asks me to brush it and braid it sometimes. It's a precious time to me to sit with a little girl on my lap and enjoy every minute of bonding her hair brings. She does generally watch television while I do her hair. We don't own a television, and so she watches very little over all. So Netflix and our computer have been a wonderful blessing in all of this. Sometimes Papa reads her books while I do her hair, and sometimes I just sit and talk to her while I do it.
The key to having styles that look good is knowing how to part well. I can do lines and zigzags, circles and hearts, and everything in between. I did know how to braid, french-braid (cornrow) and twist before I became a mama so that helped. I have also learned a lot of things from asking questions and the oh so wonderful You Tube. Any style I want to learn to do is available with a video tutorial. I was determined to know how to do my daughter's hair myself, and to be able to do really fun and cute stuff, so I have become quite knowledgeable over the past three years. I enjoy getting to share what I know, and learning more as I go.

 

 Some hair through the years pictures.
She was born with a full head of loose curls.

 It has transformed into beautiful tight curls that we love!



Her first bow at two days old.





Looking super cute in a headband.



Length at a couple of months old.

Some deep conditioning in the beginning.



First pigtails at about three weeks old.



My first time beading.

I got much better.

Abigail with some two strand twist.



Beads in the style.



 Not clear but about mid-back length.



Free Hair.



Twist out.



Lacing with ribbon.



In love with my daughter's hair,

I do my daughter's hair.

I have been enjoying reading a lot lately about natural hair care, and some other products that are available. Mostly I've been hanging out on Beads, Braids, and Beyond's website and facebook page. It's been encouraging and I've learned a few new styles that I've been trying out on my little bug's hair.

I really love doing my daughter's hair. I think it is beautiful, and would gladly trade my straight hair for her kinky curls. I don't want her hair to be straight. I don't need it to be smooth. I love it just the way it is. And honestly, I am really good at doing her hair. I know how to braid, cornrow, twist, flat twist, and do fun designs with cornrows and parts.

But over and over this same scenario plays out. Abigail and I will be out somewhere together. A black woman will approach us and go on and on about how cute Abigail's hair looks. I smile and tell Abigail to say thank you. Sometimes that is the whole conversation. But without fail if the statement is followed with the question, 'who does her hair for you?' I get ready to defend. Almost every time I respond with 'me' I get a statement about her hair being dry, her edges being rough, and am then recommended some product (grease) to use on her hair.

If my daughter's hair was dry this might feel like someone trying to help me out. The problem is I have black friends, and even her birth mom, who tell me how great her hair always looks, how healthy, soft, shiny, and on and on. Every time I've been told that it's dry I have gone back and asked the same friend to please tell me the truth if it really is dry. Every time she tells me it's not dry and they are just being haters.

Do you know how frustrating it is to spend hours upon hours doing your child's hair (sometimes four or five hours for one style) just to have someone shoot it down because you are white and can't possibly know how to take care of a black child's hair. Or to have those same people tell you that you should start straightening it or perming (i.e. chemically straighten) it so it's easier to deal with?

I had come to a place where I didn't know if there were any black people out there who even liked their own hair, or natural hair in general. And in came the blog I mentioned above, as well as the facebook page. There are TONS of moms who love their children's natural hair, are growing their processed hair out and letting it go back to natural, and who have natural hair themselves. I feel like I have a place where I can ask questions to people who appreciate natural hair (and hair care products) as much as I do. I mean why would I want to change this little girl's awesome hair?

So here's a big thank you to Beads, Braids, and Beyond to renewing my love for my daughter's hair and letting me know that I'm not alone.

Staying natural,