here's the story.

to catch all of you up to speed who are not on my facebook, you should watch this video and this video.  i'll wait until you get back to fill you in on the rest of the details.  if you choose not to watch them, you'll still likely be able to follow the story, but they're pretty great.



all right so here's the story.  Jason and I are just a few days away from our tenth wedding anniversary.  for the first yearish of marriage we tried a few different things to prevent pregnancy, but none of them worked well, and eventually decided to just be done with it. 
we have done nothing to prevent pregnancy for nine years.  we never sought any sort of diagnoses or help because we had wanted to adopt, and were perfectly content with this being the way our family was formed.
for quite some time I had been having some weird symptoms (heart palpitations, dizziness, along with other things).  I had gone to the doctor, and everything had tested okay thus far.  I had an appointment scheduled with the neurologist at the end of June, and was hoping for more information then.
towards the end of May, I had a dream that I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive.  I've taken numerous test over the years, more than I can count, but have never been pregnant.  I couldn't shake the dream so a couple days later, I found one we had in the bathroom, and took it.  i'm not even sure if I can begin to describe the shock that washed over me when it came back positive.
at this point, I was about 4-1/2 weeks pregnant.  I had no symptoms.  I hadn't even missed a cycle.  so I called my doctor's office because I had no idea what you do after a positive pregnancy test.
they did blood work, and then an ultrasound, thinking I might have been further along than what I thought.  I was not.
they did another ultrasound at eight weeks, and we decided then that as long as there was a heartbeat, we would tell Abigail, and then everyone else.  so the video of Abigail finding out is above, as well as us sharing it with our church.  we told our families and a few close friends early on.
once the pregnancy symptoms kicked in, my other symptoms went away.  so while we may not ever be able to confirm this completely, my guess is that something in my changed hormonally, and that is the reason we got pregnant after so long of not getting pregnant.

so, at this point we are nine weeks, and due January 26th.  i'm sick, exhausted, and having lots of back and sciatic nerve pain.  and while we are thrilled, this is definitely a trying season as we are in the middle of a tube wean for shilo, my husband is running the business he works for while his boss is out of the country, and working a lot, and i'm not 100%.  so it's a hard season right now, and i'm trying to balance joy, and overwhelmed.  but mostly, we look forward to the arrival of our third little in the future.

the weaning of the tube.

as you may have noticed, I am few and far between in my writing right now.  it's for good reason.  one I will share in more detail sometime in the future.  I have a few posts started for an adoption series I plan to do.  but, to be honest, afternoon napping is winning most days over blogging.  judge all you want to, this mama is tired.

anyway, wanted to update you all on just one of the fun things we are embarking on right now.  about six weeks ago, shilo took off in the eating department.  before this, she as great at putting things in her mouth, but they mostly got chewed and spit back out.  something started to click though, and more and more food was getting chewed and swallowed.  we were ecstatic.  we had been working towards doing a tube wean, and have officially started it.
a tube wean is when you stop feeding your child by g-tube in hopes of getting them to eat by mouth.  some people do it much differently than we are, but we are offering shilo foods throughout the day, and meals at meal time.  she feeds herself (she will not tolerate someone trying to feed her), and chooses what goes in her mouth.  here's the lay out of our wean, and how it's going so far.

day 1: 1/2 breakfast, rest of the day normal.
day2:  no breakfast, rest of the day normal.
day 3: no breakfast, 1/2 lunch, rest of the day normal.
day 4: no breakfast or lunch, normal dinner.
day 5:  no breakfast or lunch, 1/2 dinner.
day 6: no meals during the day via tube.

with this wean, we still have to give meds in the morning and at noon through the tube.  we are doing some water with this to help prevent dehydration, but not the normal amount, in hopes of helping her learn to drink by mouth as well.  to be quite honest though, I think we will be using the tube for fluids for a while after this, because she's just not good at swallowing drinks yet.  she also will continue to get whole milk after she's asleep at night, and once all food is gone, it's possible we will do some other things (blends or something of the sort) to help get some calories in her.  the goal is for her to not know we are using her tube though-which is why it would be when she is asleep.

we are on day five.  she's not eating tons.  she is eating.  and thus far we haven't seen any major changes in her demeanor.  today, for example, she ate about 1/2 cup of dry cereal at breakfast, a few puffs at the library (along with an eraser, two stickers, and part of a pine cone.  we count that as food in this situation), about 1/3 of a peanut butter sandwich, and some broccoli (a lot of this still gets chewed and spit back out, but some is starting to be swallowed).  she's had some water through her tube, and attempted drinks by mouth at each meal.  I remind myself that she is likely eating similar to what most toddlers do, and i'm not used to it because we can get a great balance in by tube. 

in all honesty, this sucks.  I hate not knowing if she's full enough at the end of a meal.  I hate feeling like i'm depriving my kid, even if it is under the supervision of a dietician and doctor.  but, in the end, I really hope, and pray, and believe, that this is the only way we will ever get her to take in nutrition by mouth. 

so to balance out the heavy, here's this hard thing we're doing right now, you should go watch this video of shilo doing awesome things!!!